Extraordinary Hospitality

I remember feeling nervous about attending a formal event, knowing that the only people I was going to know there were former colleagues. People I hadn’t spoken to in...well… over 6 months. I walked into the room at the party, looked around, and made eye contact with someone. I will never forget the look on their face, it just lit up. And in that moment, I felt a rush of being comfortable, being welcomed, feeling accepted, and wanted. Just because someone smiled when they saw me I felt awesome. That’s extraordinary hospitality.

What’s Hospitality and why should we practice it?

Hospitality is not just for those with impressive homes, or those who can cook gourmet meals, it isn’t just for those who are naturally gifted in this area and it is certainly not just for women. Hospitality, at its core, is about loving others in the way that God loves us. When we open our hearts, our homes, our arms- we are saying to those invited “welcome, here you are wanted, accepted and valued.”

Belonging is a key desire for most humans- even the most introverted of us need people around (at least sometimes). But what we most want is not just to be around people, but to be around people who want us to be there, people who know us. Hospitable people show they care by making others feel wanted and known.

How to Practice Radical Hospitality:

I read an article about a family that opens their home to anyone and everyone on Monday night (read it here). They invite people from church, and neighbours, and shop owners, and homeless people and they feed every single person who walks through their home.

This is hospitality at its extreme end, and if you are so inclined - this is a great way to go! However, if you want to wade in to the hospitality pool (before diving into the deep end) then here are some alternatives:

Look for those on the perimeter

In every work environment, neighborhood and event there are people who, for whatever reason, are outliers.Because of the way sin affects us, we tend to run away from differences and from being around people who think and look different than us. Because we are social creatures we often reject those who have been rejected by others.

Hospitality asks us to look for those who others have rejected- I want to lay this before you: Jesus Christ would have moved toward those people. Look for the people who are alone and see if you can connect with them.

Welcome people wholeheartedly

When people arrive make sure to greet them. Making eye contact, smiling and saying a genuine, warm “hello, it’s great to see you!” Can be a game changer.

When your heart wants to welcome people it shows up in your greeting.

When people leave, walk them out

Just as important as a first impression, is the last impression. Whenever possible walk people to the door. Look them in the eyes again and say “It was so great to see you, I hope we can connect again soon/that you get home safe/ that you had a good time etc.”

Remember to be authentic in the emotions of what you’re saying, as Maya Angelou said “...people will remember how you made them feel.”

Keep some common, useful items on you

One person I know always carries: gum, bandaids, ibuprofen, and hair ties on them.They do this simply because those are the 4 most common things that people ask for/need when they’re out and about.

What common items can you carry with you to help others out?

Think about what makes you feel welcome

This could be something as simple as having an extra blanket around in case your guest gets cold, or making sure that your bathroom is well stocked (soap, toilet paper, towel etc.) so someone doesn’t have to ask for help in that area.

Little things can make a big difference- this goes for anywhere you want to practice hospitality, great signage in a public building is hospitable because it helps people get to where they want to be without needing to ask for help! (*of course if you see someone who looks lost you show hospitality by asking them where they want to go and then walking them there).

Food is always a good idea

There’s just something about sharing food that brings people together. At the very least it gives people something to do, even if they can’t think of anything to say (I think I learned that from Jane Austen).

A full meal isn’t always necessary, some cookies or cut veggies (which are great if you aren’t sure about dietary restrictions) show just as much consideration.

Make a point of talking to people you don’t know

Make it a rule for yourself that when you see a neighbour that you don’t know, or a person at church that you’ve not spoken to (depending on the size of your church, of course! If you go somewhere that has hundreds of people then try to touch base with someone you haven’t met yet!), that you go and have a 2 minute conversation. You never know when you’re going to see that person again so why not try to connect now?

If you decide in advance that you are going to do this, then the follow through is easier.

Also, casual social interactions are a key factor in determining our overall happiness according to Dr. Laurie Santos you can learn more about it on this episode of The Happiness Lab podcast.

Develop a list of questions you can ask others that go beyond “small talk”

It’s easy to ask someone “what do you do?” but that’s (generally) a pretty tame question. Try to come up with some questions that will take you a little deeper (without being creepy).

Examples:

• Have you read anything that’s impacted you lately?

• What is your favorite thing about your career?

• What was the last movie you went to? What did you think?

• What are your hobbies?

• Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without?

• What's your favorite holiday? Why?

Asking questions is a great way to make people feel known. Just be prepared to answer these questions yourself!

Some of these things may seem a little outside of your comfort zone, but remember that hospitality begins with courage. Ultimately, hospitality is about the desire to extend the presence of Jesus to others by meeting their real needs, both tangible and intangible. So be brave, and practice hospitality.

Love ya,

P.s. what ways do you practice Hospitality? Have you ever experienced radical hospitality? Let me know by email (meghanlamatthews@gmail.com) on Instagram (@itsmeghanmatthews) or in the comments below!