Self-Examination and Confession

My whole life I thought I was an introvert. Whenever I felt like I was emotionally low I would go to my room, open a book, listen to the radio and try to recharge. After a couple hours I’d reassess my mood, discover that I was still not feeling great, and continue trying to re-up my energy by continuing along on my own.

Inevitably it would get to dinner time (as a kid, my family did dinner together every night) and after dinner (with my mom, dad, and two brothers) I’d feel so much better, and I’d attribute my buoyed mood to the self-care I’d practiced in being alone (because… I was an introvert).

In 2018 I was part of a year-long Discipleship experience, as part of it I took a personality assessment and was walked through it by a professional- my results showed that I was an extrovert. I insisted that the results were wrong, that they didn’t resemble me at all - I was an introvert, I was good with being alone, I was reserved! Then the facilitator said four words that changed my life:

“That’s just learned behaviour.”

I started to sob. Because I knew she was right, and I'd needed someone to hold that mirror up so I could get a better look at myself.

As it turns out, I had been living my life working out of my weakness instead of my strengths. It was another example of how I had been living life according to me, and it revealed another place where I needed to trust God. Being myself (in all my extroverted glory) meant that there were more chances to be rejected, to be told that I wasn’t good enough, or that I was “too much”. But it also meant that I got the chance to speak to large groups of people. That I could walk up to a group of people I didn’t know well, and feel confident that I could make a connection. That when I started to feel low, I didn’t hole up in my room and feel worse and worse, but instead would call a friend and be with them.

Self Examination is a spiritual practice that creates accountability to your soul, it helps you to become who you are meant to be rather than simply walking through life in ignorance.

Confession is the second part of this week’s practice- and it’s not one that we should skim past or skip over. Confession (especially confession that comes from a place where the Holy Spirit has opened your heart to the truth) embraces the gift of forgiveness that was bought by Christ on the cross and sets us on the path of renewal.

As the saying goes confession is good for the soul, but like everything that helps us to grow- it isn’t easy.

This is why these practices need to go together- through Self-Examination we begin to see a clearer image of ourselves, then Confession requires that we acknowledge the bad in our lives to God. It can be a challenging thing to see this, not as a practice of belittling ourselves and inducing shame, but as an opportunity for us to admit that we sometimes need help and that the safest place we can do that is in the divine, loving presence of God who yearns for us to turn to Him.

Ideas on How to Practice:

TO START: Take time to settle into your time of practice, acknowledging that you are surrounded by God’s love and that you are safe there.

Ask God to help you see yourself as He sees you (remember that He sees you

with absolute love, through the lens of Jesus’ sacrifice for you)

1) Use the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20) as a guide to help you see if there are any spaces in you that aren’t in alignment with the way God wants you to be in the world- any places where you may have (intentionally or not) sinned (broken relationship).

→ Journal your responses- take time to write them out on paper.

→ Review your list slowly, ask for God to forgive you for each of the things you

wrote down.

→ Then, burn your list. Burn it as a symbolic act of what it means to have God

remove your sins from you.

2) Imagine the kind of person you want to be in your old age. Then look at your life and determine if the way you are living now is preparing you to become that person.

→ If there’s something that needs to change, confess it to God and begin to make

decisions and take actions that will lead you where you want to go.

3) Invite others into the process by either:

→ Asking trusted family and friends to help you see your blind spots. Ask the tough questions (What do I do that hurts you? What is it like to be in relationship with me? Do I show interest in you, or do I mostly talk about myself? etc.) LISTEN.

Do NOT try to justify your behaviour. Use their response to help you understand how your internal and external worlds may be at odds.

→ Enter in to an accountability relationship with someone where you tell the raw truth about who you are and ask your partner to pray for you and help you to change, to be conformed to Christ-likeness (Romans 8:29)

You are up for the challenge:

I’ll say it again- this is one of the most challenging Spiritual Practices that you can engage in. But if you can endure the process, (and engage in it regularly) you will come out changed for the better. Self-Examination and Confession really do go hand-in-hand. When we examine ourselves, we begin to see not who we think we are but who God has called us to be.

Keep practicing,

How is your practice going? Let me know (by email) meghanlamatthews@gmail.com or on Instagram (@itsmeghanmatthews)