Truth-Telling

All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Matt 5:37)

The above is a real interaction I had with a friend. I’d been feeling like there was something off between us, and I’d finally managed to muster the courage to bring it up. I’m not generally excited about getting into a confrontation, and to be honest, there aren’t that many people that I trust with my most vulnerable self. The irony is that love and trust increase when we are able to authentically share truth.

Truth-telling as a spiritual practice, is not about telling a friend that they have spinach in their teeth (although, if that ever happens while we are hanging out, please tell me), and it’s not about giving your two-cents when you haven’t been asked to do so (“just speaking truth in love but you should know that…”). Truth-telling is certainly not about being brutally honest (I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anyone to be brutal towards me in any way, but especially with their words which can leave such a lasting mark on my psyche and spirit).

Truth-telling as a spiritual practice is about combining discernment and humility, compassion and kindness and speaking simply about what is really going on according to what God has revealed.

Jesus spoke truth constantly (likely because he was regularly in contact with God and in alignment with His plans). When he reprimanded people, he did it as a correction with the intention to point his disciples, the Pharisees, the gathered crowd- whomever- towards greater understanding of God’s character and plan.

→ if you want examples of how Jesus reprimands some people, check out the

following passages: Matthew 16:23, Mark 7:18, Mark 8:17-18, Mark 9:18-19,

Mark 16:14, Luke 9:54-55, and Luke 24:25-27

Before I move on to the hows of Truth-Telling, I should probably mention that it is a practice that may alienate people, while it is important to share truth with love, there are some times, and some things, that just won’t be easy to say or be heard.

The apostle Paul summarizes this feeling in his letter to the Galatians when he says “Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?” (Gal 4:16, emphasis mine).

If the truth you need to tell is truly from God, then it becomes your responsibility to tell it (with as much love as you can muster), even if there is resistance to whatever it is.

Truth-Telling is something that we can practice daily in small ways to get more comfortable with it, so when bigger truths need to be told we are more prepared to do so. Also, if we become truth-telling people, our trustworthiness will increase. Ultimately, this practice helps lead us to be closer to God as we grow the integrity of our character.

Questions:

When was the last time you:

• Stretch the truth or exaggerated

• Took advantage of privilege

• Rationalized your actions, behaviour, attitude or thoughts

• Broke a commitment

• Gossiped

How do these behaviours benefit you? How do they impede your growth and affect your integrity?

When is it hardest to tell the truth?

What lies do you tell yourself? What tapes do you play in your head that make you feel worthless, inadequate or unloved?

What do you do if you realize you have told a lie? Do you make amends? Apologize? Confess to God? (It’s important to do something so that your heart will soften to the truth).

Practice:

While it is generally a good idea to tell the truth, if there is a bigger conversation to be had, or if you feel prompted to share a truth with someone then a little preparation, might make you feel more ready to engage with the mentality that Truth-Telling is a spiritual practice.

1. Pray, Discern: if you feel prompted to share a truth with someone, pray that your heart be prepared to deliver that truth. Wrap your message in love. Consider going through a discernment process to make sure that you are inline with God’s will.

2. Tell the truth: show up, and share what you need to. Some people like to have advanced warning that you have something serious to share, some people are better with a more casual approach. If you’re uncertain, I generally think it’s better to give people a heads up that you have something you want to tell them.

3. Trust God: if you’re certain that what you shared was God’s truth, then you need to trust that He is at work and that you have done your part. You may never see the result of sowing truth, but chances are you will notice the shift in yourself, and maybe in your relationship, when you come into further alignment with God’s will.

4. Let go of the outcome: this can be difficult, if you’re a person who likes to know the why of things (looking at myself here) knowing that you did what you were called to do, may not be the tidy conclusion you hoped for. This is an important thing to do because of this fact. When we let go of the outcome, we also loosen our grip on our belief that we are in control (see again, step #3)

I hope that you practice Truth-telling in your daily life as well as in big ways. As you grow closer to God, I pray that hearing and sharing His truth becomes a regular occurrence for you.

Keep up the good work,

P.s. Truth-telling is easy to talk about and really hard to do. When my friend gently, but authentically, shared their frustrations with me it showed that there was an immense amount of trust between us. We grew closer because of that conversation. Sometimes the truth can be used like a weapon. We hurl opinions around like grenades regardless of who may get hit by the shrapnel. When truth is wielded with love, when it protects and defends, and considers the position of others- it can increase the amount of goodness in the world, it can bring us closer to the Kingdom of Heaven.