Reflection on Silence (pt. 4)

I hope that over the course of this series you’ve gleaned some great tips about practicing silence (actually I hope that you are able to apply them to whatever faith practice you're invensting in). As a wrap up, I thought I’d offer some personal reflection from my own practice.

Reflection

I mentioned last week that I’m not a person who can get down to the serious business of being with God before she filters through the noise of all her own thoughts and feelings. At first this was an embarrassing, almost shameful thing. I thought (for some reason) that focusing on Jesus should be easy, or at least that it would be easy for me.

What I’ve come to realize is that Jesus knows that I’m human, that I’m flawed, and really, he’s fine with that. God knows how he made me, and he doesn’t need me to practice silence exactly the way others have in order for it to be valuable for me, or pleasing to him.

This has been, and continues to be, a great relief.

OK this next part is a bit woo-woo so if you’re not that interested in the more supernatural elements of faith this may not be for you. However...

Through my intentional practice of silence, God has been showing me different facets of who he is, and what he can do. Periodically, I have what can only be explained as messages from God, or maybe visions. They don’t happen every time I practice, for which I’m grateful as they are very overwhelming, but when they do it is remarkable. In these visions I’m transported to somewhere entirely different from the where I had been in the previous moment. Sometimes I’m crawling like a small child on to the safe and comforting lap of a beloved father who can’t wait to wrap his arms around me. Sometimes we walk together up and down the rows of a vineyard as I watch him pluck grapes, prune vines or straighten plants that have started to creep away from where they were planted. And sometimes, I find myself bloodied and bruised in a boxing ring where the bell has been rung and my shoulders are being rubbed by an encouraging coach who is telling me that the fight isn't over.

There are other places God has taken me, but some of these trips, I’m going to keep to myself. They are precious secrets that I share with the Creator.

Why, though? Why has God been showing me these things? I don’t know if I’ll ever know the full answer on this side of eternity, but if I can be bold I may have one insight to offer. It is simple, but profound: God knows his children. And like a good parent he meets them where they are in ways that they can understand.

Wrapping up

Practicing silence is counter cultural. In a world that values productivity, doing nothing is nearly an act of protest. Even in the realm of spiritual practices silence is a difficult one to rationalize in the face of our over-achieving culture. Reading the bible, hospitality, self care, labyrinth walking, journaling, confession, and prayer all, arguably, have more tangible outcomes than silence. However, when we intentionally make space for God, he shows up. He shows up in ways that aren’t always expected, or explicable. He shows up for us in a way that is meaningful to us, because he knows us.

A trusted advisor, who I’ve shared this process with, gave me a verse in response to this experience, "And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.” (Joel 2:28). I don’t know how that fits in, but I am glad to know God better, and I am thankful that throughout this process I have trusted myself with him and that he has, in turn, trusted himself with me.

I hope that you are able to make space to encounter God this week, and that he speaks to you in a way that makes you feel seen, heard, and known.

Love ya,

How's your practice going? Let me know by email (meghanlamatthews@gmail.com) on Instagram (@itsmeghanmatthews) or in the comments below!